22 lessons I have learned in (nearly) 22 years.

As the youngest of four and daughter to a particularly young spirited mother, I feel as though I am always going to be somewhat connected to my youth and the inner child that resides within. My friends would agree that I am sophomorically natured, I simply scream ‘youngest child complex’.

Contrary to this, I possess a wisdom and the deep ability to philosophise- blaming my Sagittarius Sun and placements. From since I was little, my family have regarded me as their ‘life guru’. Often I’d be found dishing out advice and expertise, far exceeding my eight year old experience of life. I even wished to write a self help book at the ripe old age of ten…

I journal regularly and keep track of the passing of time by considering the phases of my life and marking them by the lessons I have learnt. As such, with the Sagittarius season now upon us and my 22nd birthday looming, I am going to discuss my 22 lessons learnt in 22 years.

While some lessons are lighthearted, others are more personal and have been learnt through some pain and struggle. I strongly believe that it is through moments of adversity that a stronger sense of self is achieved, initiating a process of rebirth. The lessons that proceed show life as I know it at (nearly) twenty-two - in no particular order.

‘Quality over quantity’ is true where friends are concerned.

This is not to mean that you shouldn’t greet others with anything but an open mind, acceptance, and ultimately an optimistic outlook.

However, I feel as though our media is saturated with the idea that having massive social circles and parties every night is a sign of a happy, healthy, positive relationship with friends- and this isn’t the case!

A few understanding, fully trustworthy, respectful, and honest friends are all you truly need to feel as though you have friendship in abundance. Don’t let your FOMO lie to you and tell you that those who have a social engagement nightly are the happiest in their friendships! Instead, give your time and energy to cultivate the relationships and understandings that really do fill your cup, enlighten and uplift you.

Rest is a Radically Necessary Ingredient for Success.

Rest isn’t always a warm bath or a scroll on your phone- I am talking about real, restorative moments of opting-out from the world around.

It is the sad reality that by the age of (nearly) 22, I can say I have already experienced burnout once or twice. This is probably the case for you too- socialising, working, learning, hobbies, as well as the constant accessibility via social media, desensitisation to political pressures and wider world problems… its the perfect concoction for exhaustion.

Now more than ever, though it is a lesson I believe we can learn from our ancestors as well as the animal kingdom, is that rest is radical and it is necessary.

In my humble opinion, nothing is worth wringing yourself dry for. Nothing is worth sapping yourself of your light and energy. You can only ever give something as much energy as you have within yourself. More often than not, a good night’s sleep or an evening of being disengaged from the outer world is of great power to approach things with a fresh outlook and a new angle.

Empathy is Not Synonymous with Enabling.

To empathise with someone, does not have to mean you have to give time, space, or power to their potentially toxic or harmful behaviour.

… pretty self explanatory.

In fact, I sincerely believe it shows more emotional understanding and empathy to understand enough of where they’re coming from and the motivation behind their actions to confront and discuss the problem of their ways with the want to help.

Everything you need to know, is found by sitting with your inner self.

Today, we are inundated with noise and distraction. This can lead us astray from our inner selves and what our intuition is trying to tell us.

We become malleable and susceptible to the pressures from our peers and social media. As such, we are lead further and further away from our instinctive feelings and our emotional realities. This puts us in danger of losing ourselves, not knowing the essence of ourselves and the right way to act in order to honour ourselves.

Your intuition is your greatest power.

To confront our inner selves helps us attach ourselves to the reality of our being and the untouched part of ourself, protected from toxic pressures and influences.

This can be done through journalling, meditative practises, quiet moments of reflection and musing, and creative releases.

Fuck your Small Town, Dress for the Big City.

There are two things that simply don’t exist to me.

1) Overdressing.

2) Small Town Mentality.

Life is far too short to not wear exactly what you want, no matter how ‘ridiculous’ your small town may deem it.

And I’ll tell you one thing- the only outfits I regret are the ones I know I could’ve done more with, or when I last minute opted for the outfit that was more likely to appease others…

Kitten Heels are for Every Occasion.

I wish I had learnt this one sooner… who even was I before I started wearing kitten heels with absolutely no fear or hestitation?

Kitten heels with jeans, kitten heels with yoga pants, kitten heels with tracksuits (I haven’t done it yet but give me a second).

They are cute and simultaneously comfortable- why not wear them absolutely everywhere?

Always give time to enrich your internal monologue.

I suppose this is just a remodelled way of saying ‘you’re the main character! Romanticise your life!’

No, but really…. nothing is worth more time or energy than creating a repertoire of cultural past times and hobbies that enrich your mind and inspire you.

Your media diet is just as important as the food you eat. Give time to explore the narratives you consume, the books you read, the art you look upon, the music you play as a soundtrack to your life.

All of these aspects really do greatly contribute to the way you colour your life and bear a massive influence on your perspective.

Extend understanding where you’d wish for it in return.

This is especially true for the friendships and relationships you possess.

I believe that friendships should be the areas that allow for mistakes. Healthy friendships should contain the full faith that you trust and know one another well enough to know each other’s intentions. From this, you should mutually extend the time and understanding to constructively resolve any misunderstandings or mishaps.

Understanding and the want to listen to one another is perhaps the greatest tool for creating forums for conversations full of integrity and respect.

Never Shy away from a Constructive Conversation.

People may be inclined to say they are not ‘confrontational people’ - and we all definitely have our own boundaries.

But, I think confrontation and constructive conversations do get conflated. Constructive conversations may confront particular ideas and understandings - and this is not a wholly negative thing, but instead is positive for the resolution and development of understandings.

In fact, constructive conversations are entirely necessary for growth- individually, together, and other certain values and ideas.

While all communication types aren’t constructive, they can be made so through the use of open ended questions, respecting boundaries and time, allowing others to speak freely and with non-judgement.

A constructive conversation will always make you feel proactive in the maintenance and betterment of yourself and your relationships.

You aren’t ‘too much’, they are just not enough.

One of the most important lessons I have learnt: do not minimise yourself for others.

Surround yourself with people who can match and encourage your energy, your passions and your dreams.

If you are told you are ‘too much’ for someone, of if they attempt to bring you down and squander your energy, take it entirely as a reflection of what they’re lacking.

Passion will be regarded as intensity for those who have yet to find their own.

In the same vein, expressing passion or excitement for something can sometimes be met with derision. However, this is entirely demonstrative that you are merely preaching to the wrong choir.

I said it once and I'll say it again: give your energy to people who can match your passions and dreams.

Sometimes, being full of energy and light can remind others of what they don’t possess, it can highlight their insecurities and their fears. This is entirely their burden to bear, and shows nothing of your worth or value.

Keep finding excitement in the things you are passionate about- others can follow in your example.

The True Essence of Life is in the Littlest of Things.

Recently, I was somewhat struck by the fear that life may simply pass me by if I continually wait for joy to found in the achievement and experience of big things. I realised I was sat on the bench simply waiting for some form of grandiosity.

But the fact is that joy and wonder meets you when you open yourself up to it.

I am actively choosing to find little symbols of happiness in my life, I search them out and am sure to appreciate them.

Life is mainly comprised of the tiny, mundane, and unnoticed things. The vast majority of life is comprised of things that we don’t consider ‘spectacular’. But this is all a matter of perspective. Like drops of water on a rock, the small things lead way for the bigger. I now vow to myself to appreciate them as such and spend time practising my gratitude for them - no matter how mundane or trivial they may seem.

Have the Courage to try New Things, and the humility to admit when they were wrong.

I believe this comes down to a matter of being a brave person, who is full of integrity.

It is of importance to be someone who possesses the courage to experiment, put themselves out there and make experiences, as well as has the confidence to assert themselves and discuss ideas openly.

But, with this, it is therefore a duty to contain the integrity and humility to accept wrongdoings, apologise freely and with meaning, and take account for the lessons learnt in the process.

Listen to your Parents’ Music.

My fondest memories are of singing along to songs with my parents in the car, or when I catch them singing to themselves around the house, when they’re struck by the excitement of remembering a song or band from their youth, or sitting and watching old reruns of ‘top of the pops’… My most adored artists have come from my parent’s recommendations.

There is a special form of intimacy and love that can be found in listening to your Parent’s favourite music. So much insight can be gained concerning who they were, who they still are, their sense of creativity and fun, what they’re feeling or thinking.

Ask your parent’s favourite song today!

Read in Abundance and Write Without Inhibition.

One of the greatest things you can allow yourself is the space to express yourself safely and entirely freely.

Make an extensive list of books and texts you can dip in and out of, have multiple notebooks on the go that you can scribble impulsively in, have spaces you can return to freely in order to think indulgently and create without inhibition or judgement.

This will create a sense of confidence and help you become better acquainted with your inner self, as well as tapping into your inner child.

Have Fun with the Way You Dress!

If there is one sure way you can take life a little less seriously and start having a little fun- its in the way you style yourself.

There is no need to play by particular rules or act a certain way; the attitude you adopt for dressing yourself is important for the way you step out into the world. As something you do everyday and for every occasion, you might as well start finding some real enjoyment in it!

You will Meet Yourself Again and Again: give time to the reintroductions.

Firstly, you should allow yourself the leeway to evolve and change as a person. You should extend grace and understanding to your past actions and experiences, regarding them as a necessary part of the person you are becoming.

With this, you should give space for the ways in which you shall unexpectedly shift and change as a person. Nothing can ever be too closely monitored or predicted- and this is something that should be embraced.

Because of this, it is essential that you carve out the time to look to yourself introspectively and check in with yourself. How have recent events shaped you? How did you surprise yourself? What is a habit of yours that has come to light?

Often, we lose ourselves in the happening of life. A habit that everyone should implement is the act of conversing with yourself, asking questions as though it is the first time you’re meeting yourself.

People Will Project- familiarise yourself with the truths you possess.

Developing from this, this is an essential tool that can help in becoming steadfast in your reality and well acquainted with the truths you possess.

A close relationship with yourself will solidify the confidence in which you enter your relationships and other interactions with. Intentionally or not, people will attempt to tell you who you are and what you believe. Though this can sometimes come from trusted sources and people with intentions that you deem as good- sometimes, it can come from unwanted people who are not talking in love or understanding. So, it is an important lesson to learn that you have to know yourself well enough to know when to filter and refuse to attach the narratives other people try to put on you.

Nothing is too Small to Celebrate.

This has a double meaning!

• Nothing is ever too small to rejoice about! Any small occasion is an occasion worth making as fun and enjoyable as you can. Find every little thing to celebrate, make toasts often, get excited easily, find excuses to get dressed up.

• Nothing is ever worth harbouring bitter feeling or jealousy- celebrate and praise people around you, sincerely and often. There is enough good fortune in the world to go around and someone else’s victory does not come at the shortcoming of your own.

Never Minimise the Capacity in which You Love.

While you may not be often met by the same capacity, the ways in which you love will characterise how you navigate the world.

This love will reveal itself in the faces you see, the books you read, the way you marvel at nature, and the freedom in which you laugh with friends.

Not everyone will be able to reciprocate the extent in which you show and express love, but this love is yours to keep and cannot be taken from you.

I truly believe that the love you give out to the world is ultimately returned to you someway and somehow.

Power is Found in the Collective.

It is a fundamentally more optimistic and hopeful view of the world to understand that there is definitely more power in numbers, and that far more similarities bind the world together rather than differences to divide it.

Try to account for the similarities in you and others, extend respect and understanding to those you encounter, and look for yourself in the people you meet (or the way they may be hidden in you).

Show Up For Yourself.

Lastly, aim to be the person that you looked for when you were younger and the best version of yourself that you can envision.

You are the perfect space to create freedom, acceptance, and safety for yourself. You are the only person who can make things happen for yourself. You are the only person who can take the steps to manifest your visions into reality.

I am an avid believer that if you can envision it and imagine it, then you can bring it into your reality in some shape or form. This can only be achieved by the dedication to yourself and the discipline to fulfil your duty to yourself.